I’m still fairly new to pageantry. I’ve competed in 3 pageants. Two state level and one national level. I don’t claim to be an expert; far from it! But, I do want to share with you what I think about goal setting when it comes to pageants. Winning a pageant is a dream come true and it comes with an almost overwhelming sense of accomplishment. But, losing a pageant can come with that same feeling of accomplishment; with the right mindset and outlook it is possible!
Losing a Pageant
The first pageant I ever competed in, I competed to win. Which was naïve in and of itself because I kind of didn’t know what I was doing! When I lost I was gutted, I mean unable to speak, crying, make up running down my face gutted. I was an emotional mess, and I was unable to control my tears. I was embarrassed that I lost and felt like I let everyone down. Before I went to bed that night my dad told me that I when I woke up in the morning I would realize that I had NOTHING to be embarrassed or ashamed about- but instead so much to celebrate. He reminded me that I what I did was hard and scary and that the sheer feat of competing was worth celebrating. He reminded me of the nerves of steel pageant women and girls have. We are women who are NOT afraid of a challenge! And you know what? He was right, the next morning I felt exactly the way he told me I would feel. I was still licking my wounds a bit, but I was filled with a sense of accomplishment, and sense of wanting more! I knew I would compete again and I did. The next time I competed I went into with a different perspective. I didn’t compete to win, instead I had fun and focused on realistic goals that I could attain.
Your goal should never be to win a pageant. That is something you cannot control. Your goals should be set based on realistic expectations. A desire to win is OK, and I’m not going to lie… I possess that desire. But, I have learned from my past pageant experiences that my goals should be things that are in my control, that I can measure, and that I can honestly achieve, no matter the outcome of the pageant. Examples for me are: going to the gym a certain number of times per week, or styling- making sure that my onstage styling is exactly the way I want it to be- being happy with my shoes, hair accessories, fit of my gown, etc..
As I mature in my feelings towards pageantry I have learned that the experience cannot be about winning. Winning is great, it feels good! But achieving your goals is better. When you wake up the next day after a loss you are able to reflect on what you achieved and how you can improve. When your focus is only on winning you are missing out on the personal growth aspect of pageantry, and that’s really the most important part. When your mindset is about winning, you are devastated when you lose. The crazy thing is you should never allow something that forces you to achieve greatness and challenges you to be a better person be a defeat!
Mindset Change- Focus on the Work
Competing in a pageant is HARD. There is NOTHING easy about it! Every single woman that stands on a pageant stage and competes is never a loser. As a pageant community we should focus on this. The guts and grit that it takes to stand on a stage and be vulnerable is not found easily. We should celebrate our achievements beyond the crown. Pageant goals should be about accomplishment and not just who came out on top.
I am naturally a shy person, I fake it really well! But, I love being on the stage. I love the performance and the preparation that goes into performing on stage. I am not comfortable around new people and I struggle with low self esteem. But, I push through it, because I love the challenge. Life is really about that. Pushing through our fears and our struggles.
As a teacher I meet so many kids who struggle with coping skills, who struggle with perfection. Teaching kids that perfection is not attainable, but success is attainable is what I do everyday. I want to leave a legacy with my students that we learn from our mistakes and our adversity, those things make us stronger, we set realistic goals, and we achieve them. IF you are doing this then you’re successful. Success is different for everyone!
As a historian and historic preservation advocate I see the connection between challenge and success all the time! History is all about the connection of humanity with success and failure. History is littered with people who failed and rose up to achieve greatness. History is really a shared human experience of failures, adversity and successes; of goals set and achieved. Those that can recognize the connection are those that truly succeed.
If I were to win another crown my focus would be on sharing this mindset with my audience. Goals conquer fear. Getting up and pushing through adversity. Defining what success means to you, and setting realistic goals to achieve your success.
One little pebble makes a ripple. I’m a little pebble in a big pond. Every time I teach a kid about history, about goal setting, and confidence I make a ripple. My hope is that someday they teach others and create even more ripples! When I compete I hope I make ripples, setting an example of hard work and determination while doing something I enjoy!
I can’t change the world, but I can influence those that I teach and love, and that’s what I do!
I hope that if you ever compete, or compete again, you imagine yourself as a ripple. A ripple of hard work, determination, and perseverance. A ripple setting a big example and showing others the value of hard work, no matter the outcome! Make your pageant goals realistic and remember you are setting an example and being an inspiration- no matter the outcome.
